I'm a planner, a self-proclaimed future-thinker, and long time worrier. I know the Bible verses about the Lord being sovereign and in control, but there is a difference between knowing something and feeling it. I think for most of us in the "feeler" arena it's hard to combine what we know with what we feel.
A few months ago, I found myself being chased by massive biting horseflies on a trail leading up to a lake with my cousin. Immediately, after entering the forest I felt the familiar blanket of humidity settle over me (I lovingly refer to living in NYC in the summer as living in "Satan's Armpit.") My cousin led the way up the trail, without her I'd be lost (my sense of direction isn't even that good even in the city with google maps in front of my face.) When we finally reached the edge of the lake and I looked out over the water, our voices echoing across to the other shore, I felt like I could breathe again. The wide open space and the feeling of being almost entirely alone in nature was the most peace I had felt in a long while.
I feel like God constantly is surprising me with the directions or places He leads me to. I would have never predicted that I would move to New York City in 2012. I do know if I had my life map in front of me I would never look up at my surroundings again. I would be constantly keeping my eyes on the plan, afraid I would veer off in the wrong direction, instead of enjoying the life God gave me to actually live.
It's a moment by moment decision. Am I going to worry about the next step, the next decision, the next choice? Or am I going to trust the One who is leading me? Am I going to step out into a life of joyful submission and trust? Or am I going to be consumed with worry and miss the beautiful journey? If I'm honest, it depends on the day... some days I make the right choice and other days I feel like I'm drowning in anxiety. I can only pray that the Lord would continue to work in my heart, and I know He will.
O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive,
so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help.
Listen closely to my prayer, O LORD; hear my urgent cry.
I will call to you whenever I’m in trouble, and you will answer me.